2. Consider traffic patterns and time of day. Check Sigalert. Abandon most efficient route, and find 2-3 alternative routes. You will probably use one on the way to point B and another on the way back.
3. Get a few good CDs to keep in your car, or hook up your ipod. Make sure you have a hands-free phone option for the drive.
4. Make sure your horn works.
5. Start driving. And talking on that phone.
6. On residential streets, drive in the middle until oncoming cars force you to pick sides. You will both be so touchy about the size of the road that one of you will have to pull over momentarily to let the other pass. The pull-over-and-wait person will usually be the person who has lived in LA the least amount of time, or the smaller car, or the person who has actually had a good day and doesn't really care.
7. Stop signs are somewhat optional. Also, the rule about who goes first at a four-way stop is not known by anyone. If you give someone their deserved right-of-way, you will have to wave them through. They will usually smile and wave in return.
8. The more expensive the car, the bigger the ego of the asshole driving it. Their overly aggressive driving will reflect this.
9. Any gap in the road will be filled with a car, whether they have the green light/right of way or not.
10. People will honk at you for being nice and letting someone through.
11. People will honk at you for being defensive and not letting someone through.
12. You may let one car through at any given traffic scenario. If you let in two cars, you are a pansy. More than two, and someone behind you may have a heart attack.
13. If you block an intersection, prepare to have your bumper taken off.
14. If one lane is clogged, people will veer into the open lane. They will not check to see if you are already driving in it.15. Don't hit the bicyclists. Anyone who loves the Earth enough to ride a bike through rush hour deserves respect, and at least 4 feet of passing room.
16. If you want to change lanes, don't try to get ahead of the guy next to you. He/She will pace you or try to get ahead of you every time. Instead, signal and then drop back behind him/her. Usually there is more space there. Does it really matter if you end up 10 feet further away from the red light?
17. A good LA car game: One person counts Audis. Another counts Priuses. Another Lexuses, and another Mini-Coopers. Highest number when you reach your destination wins.
18. Who are you kidding? There's no one in the car with you. You can't play that game.
19. Stay off the 405. Just....seriously. Don't bother.
20. If you make it to point B and have to park on the street, read the damn signs about where to park. And don't be the jerk who hangs 3 feet into a driveway or blocks someone in so they only have 2 inches on either side. Not cool, man. Not cool.
